Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
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well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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