I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
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Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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