so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Blood and glitter go together right?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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