I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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