dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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