:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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