I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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