Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
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I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
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It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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