dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
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