Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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