We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he thought i was a dude.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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