the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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