I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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