i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
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he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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