Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize