Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize