so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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