im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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