your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
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so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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