Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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