i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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