i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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