yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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