i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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