He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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