I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize