remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize