I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize