Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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