you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
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Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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