Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
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I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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