I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize