He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
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At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
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When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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