if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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