When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
from now on my penis is your penis
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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