Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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