Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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