dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize