I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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