New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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