the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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