ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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