Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
