I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
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Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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