I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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