I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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