Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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