I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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