I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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