i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
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juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
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Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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